Welcome to the scrap pile, the weekly blog where I take a crap joke that I’ve written and try and make it good? Is there any mileage in that idea Dave? I hear you ask. Well, turns out, I write a lot of crap jokes so yes, there’s a lot of mileage as it turns out.
On with the show.
It’s another dark one from me this week and I actually really like the joke, it goes;
“Our GP wanted to talk us through our options for delivering our baby.
Turns out, ‘We’ll be out so just leave it behind the bins’ isn’t appropriate.”
I did this at a new material night where I was reading a lot of the jokes off of index cards and they were a mixed bag. This one got a tiny laugh but definitely not enough that I’d want to do it again in the same way. The kind of laugh that makes me think that there’s something in the idea at least, if not the execution.
This is tough because I think it’s a funny joke. Obviously on the face of it, it’s about leaving a baby behind some bins which isn’t a particularly light topic but it’s definitely not as dark as some of the things I say on stage.
The pivot to the whole joke is delivery. Obviously there is ‘delivering a baby’ and ‘delivering a parcel’. Story A is that the GP is talking us through having our baby delivered but Story B is the deliberate misunderstanding that the baby can be delivered in the same way as a parcel. So maybe there needs to be more of a point made around the word ‘delivery’.
Is it worth saving
Yes! I really like this joke and the fact it got anything indicates to me that it has legs. I think it’s the kind of joke as well that sounds a lot darker than it is. Really, at it’s core, it’s totally silly and the punchline is just an idiotic misunderstanding rather than being malicious.
I think the key to this is making story A stronger so that the mislead is more powerful. Maybe play it up a bit.
“My girlfriend and I are having a baby. But there can be complications, things you don’t plan for so we’ve been talking to our GP. He wanted to talk us through our options for the delivery.
Turns out you can’t choose, ‘we’ll be out so just leave it behind the bins’ “
I think that’s better. The mislead is stronger and the pivot word is clearer so I think in terms of joke structure that’s much more solid.
The only issue I can see with it now is, is leave it by the bins a common enough delivery request? Would leave it with a neighbour be funnier?
I think I’ll have to try this one twice with both punch-lines and see which one works better.
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That’s all for now! BYE!