The scrap pile: Put down

Welcome to the scrap pile! I like to think I can write a joke, but in the pursuit of good jokes I do write a whole lot of crap. And sometimes, I even misjudge it completely and say the crap jokes on stage. In this blog, I take a look at some of the crap jokes I’ve written and try to re-write them to give them another chance of life.

The joke

“I took my dog to the vet who said we were going to have to put him down.

So I turned to my dog and said, ‘you’re useless, you’ll never amount to anything and I prefer cats’ “

The reaction

Turns out, for some reason people don’t like to hear about putting dog’s down (shocker!) and turn off almost immediately. So this joke never got much of a reaction.

The problem

Problem one is, I have to say “put him down” as part of the joke or else it doesn’t work, and that’s too harsh early on. Problem two is, the punch-line is looooonnngg.

Is it worth saving?

I think I can get this to work. Pets are a topic I don’t touch on much and it’s nice to have some new characters to talk about in my set (not just my girlfriend or a mate etc.) so I think it could add a bit more variety and that’s got to make it worth another go!


Having written it back down and spoken about it, I actually think I can re-work this fairly easily. Like Blazin squad before me, I think I’m just going to flip reverse it.

I can’t say “put him down” too early in the joke and the punch-line is more like a set-up so I think the trick is literally just to reverse the order, giving me something like;

“I turned to my dog and said, ‘you’re useless, you’ll never amount to anything and I prefer cats’

And the vet said, ‘that’s not what I meant by put him down’ “

Simple! I think that’s a cleaner joke, it takes some of the nastiness out of it because ultimately it’s making me look like an idiot and I think people might laugh before they realise how dark it is.

I’ll update soon with how the re-work went. In the mean-time, if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog posts, gig lists and other going’s on, why not subscribe to my mailing list?

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